So…………..a few weeks ago I put in for my transfer to Wisconsin. (If I haven’t talked to you in a while: Yes, I want to move to Wisconsin.) Last Monday I found out that I have to be full time for six months before I qualify for a transfer. Alas, I won’t be full time until May 21. So, I resigned myself to staying in this HellHole for another six months. I found the positives: staying for six months will help me save a lot more money than if I moved right away; getting promoted here will be a lot easier than getting promoted somewhere else; on the same note, transferring with those two promotions would be a lot better than transferring at the entry level.

THEN today I get an email saying that the Wisconsin Group would be calling me this week to interview. It seems that if they decided to hire me full time then I can just go whenever I’m ready. Of course, that would mean staying part time here until I leave, which is like half the money, and having to get promoted in a group that may have more stringent requirements.

Sigh, what’s a girl to do?

The only problem with staying is finding a place to live. The best scenario would be staying in the apartment I am in and getting a new roommate after Mario moves out. Of course then I have to find a roommate, which is always easier said than done. Option two is finding a cheap apartment for myself. That could be done, but moving is such a BITCH. The third option would be to move in with Mom and Dad, which I’m surprisingly okay with except for the hour and half commute I would have every day.

Blech. I guess I’ll just do the phone interview with Wisconsin and see what they say about my hire date. And have a drink. Thanks for listening.

By Roland S. Martin
CNN Contributor

Editor’s note: Roland S. Martin is a CNN contributor and a talk-show host for WVON-AM in Chicago.

Aside from Rudy Giuliani’s torturous explanation of his views on abortion, it was easy to discern after Thursday’s debate that the candidates running for the Republican presidential nomination are staunch advocates of life, namely when it comes to abortion.

In fact, they were passionate on the issue, and some made it clear that nothing is more important than life itself.

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney: “Well, I’ve always been personally pro-life.”

When asked about the Terri Schiavo case, he replied: “I think the Congress’s job is to make sure that laws are respecting the sanctity of life.”

California Rep. Duncan Hunter evoked the memory of a late president to explain his position: “Ronald Reagan said, on the question of life, ‘When there’s a question, err on the side of life.’ “

Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback was the most eloquent on the subject: “I believe life is one of the central issues of our day, and I believe that every human life at every phase is unique, is beautiful, is a child of a loving God, period.”

He later added: “Her life is sacred. Even if it’s in that difficult moment that she’s in at that point in time, that life is sacred, and we should stand for life in all its circumstances.”

On stem cell research, Brownback said, “It is not necessary to kill a human life for us to heal people.”

That last line caught my attention because that is often something we hear from victims rights groups, law enforcement and prosecutors when someone is put to death for committing a crime.

But if you take the candidates at face value, then why hold the same view when it comes to the death penalty?

Now, for the purposes of getting everything out in the open: I’m pro-choice. Does that mean I’m marching in the streets advocating abortion? No. For me, it comes down to a woman choosing. And just like Giuliani, the former mayor of New York City, I hate abortion and prefer for women not to make that choice. Will some suggest that this is counter to my Christian faith? Absolutely. But it is a difficult position, and one that I have wrestled with and continue to do so.

Yet I also support the death penalty. There are individuals who should lose their life for committing heinous crimes. And yes, I have struggled mightily, and would certainly say that my position has softened on this issue, just like it has on being pro-choice.

But even with all that, it’s still important to at least philosophically explore the issue of being a staunch pro-life advocate, yet stop the moment the child is born.

“I believe that every human life at every phase is unique, is beautiful, is a child of a loving God, period.” Those are the words of Brownback, but does not that person — even that hardened criminal — fall under the same banner?

Folks, it’s hard to say on one hand that every life — at every phase — is important, but then say, “Send them to the death chamber!” Those two are diametrically opposed to each other.

And I’ll be the first to tell you that many Christians — especially right-wing conservatives — are staunch anti-abortion advocates on Monday. And on Tuesday, if there is an execution, they are right there supporting that one as well.

It would have been nice had debate moderator Chris Matthews forced the candidates to deal with this issue.

But let’s also expand the pro-life dialogue. Where do the Republican candidates stand on funding Head Start for children? Is that not part of the development of human life? Are we going to see Republican candidates seek to change Medicaid laws to allow dentists to better care for those who get government assistance? Or are we willing to see another case like Deamonte Driver, a 12-year-old Maryland boy who died because his family lost their Medicaid, and the boy’s abscess, which might have been cured with an $80 tooth extraction, led to his brain becoming infected?

Are the Republican candidates going to vigorously fight for expanded pre-natal care for mothers in many inner cities around America, where the infant mortality rate rivals that of some Third World countries?

What is needed — on both sides — is a full-scale discussion on what it really means to be pro-life.

Life is indeed precious. And just as I have tussled with my personal views on being pro-choice and supportive of the death penalty, the pro-lifers should really examine whether they are as passionate about life beyond the womb.

I’ve seen this before, but it is just freakin’ hilarious!

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium.” Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour’; skipping the letter ‘U’ is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter ‘Z’ (pronounced ‘zed’ not ‘zee’) and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”

You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’ e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you can’t cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary.” Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “uhh”, “like”, and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up “interspersed.”

There will be no more ‘bleeps’ in the Jerry Springer show. If you’re not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn’t have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won’t have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents — Scottish dramas such as “Taggart” will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we’re talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is “Devon.” If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become “shires” e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as “Men Behaving Badly” or “Red Dwarf” will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can’t cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American “football.” There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football – which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called “rounders,” which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don’t believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called “Indecisive Day.”

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call ‘French fries’ are not real chips. Fries aren’t even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling “beer” is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” The substances formerly known as “American Beer” will henceforth be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as “Weak Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine.” This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or “gasoline,” as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon — get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

You know, I once heard a very wise woman say that we’re all environmentalists. This notion that environmentalists are just the “tree huggers”, the “hippies”, it’s crap. Everyone loves trees, and blue skies, and birds, and little squirrels eating little acorns with their little hands. We all want to wake up tomorrow and the next day and the next week and the next year and not have the ocean over take our town because the ice caps melted. We don’t want humans to be responisble for using up and destroying this once-life supporting planet. I mean, this could be the only hunk of rock in the universe capable of sustaining our form of life, and we are KNOWINGLY and WILLINGLY destroying it.

For all the wars on drugs, terror, racism, etc, why are we ignoring the fact that if we don’t do something NOW about our dependency on fossil fuels it is all moot. It won’t matter if people use crack, it won’t matter if there is a suicide bomber in NYC, it won’t matter if there are racist compounds in Tennessee because human beings, along with most other life forms, and the planet earth as we know it WILL CEASE TO EXIST.

I am not saying that this is the only relevent issue. I am saying that this is the most precient issue. This is the most truely life-and-death issue because it affects the ENTIRE planet. What right does anyone have to say that they are entitled to a lifestyle that will destroy the potential for future generations?

So, as most everyone knows by now, Malcolm passed away on the 19th. He decided that he just couldn’t take his inner horrors anymore.

Malcolm was one of those friends that I would “catch up” with online, but we rarely followed through and actually hung out in the years since we left Natchitoches. However, of the few memories I have of my time up there, he is one of the audience’s favorite returning characters.

The funeral was this past Friday, the 23, at Jesuit. If you have ever been to their chapel you know that it is pretty much the size of a church, not a chapel. It was full. People stood in the back. It was the hardest few hours in my life since my uncle died.

After the funeral, some of us went out to a bar for a few hours and drank, told stories about Malcolm, drank, told stories about random things in Natchitoches, drank, caught up on where everyone was in their life, drank, and tried to play pool.

Five hours later we moved to Jon’s house. Some of us were sitting on the back porch smoking, while some of the guys were in Jon’s shed. All of a sudden, a pigeon came flying through the yard in a haphazard manner, making all sorts of noise. It flew past the door to the shed, and those of us on the porch thought, “Man, that would have been fucking hilarious if that bird had flown into the shed.” Right then the bird pulled a 180 and flew right on into the shed. It flew all around the guys’ heads and then hit the deck in a corner.

I think everyone was thinking the same thing, but Jon was the first to say “Okay, Malc, it’s your hit, man.”

Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP)

Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant. Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

Is this why I have more guy friends than girl friends?

I am currently in the process of getting rid of a lot of crap in my apartment. I’ve come to accept that I have too much stuff, and therefore I must begin the layoffs. In my quest for things to trash, sell, donate, give away, whatever, I have had to take a moment and reevaluate my system for…well…valuing things. So, what are some of my favorite things?

-My Mac. I love it. Every time someone asks me what I think about it, I have to hold myself back…..I feel like I’m recruiting for a cult or something. I just have so much to praise about it and pretty much nothing to complain. I love it. I want everyone to experience this kind of depth in their computer-user relationships.

-RollingStone Magazine. No matter what kind of day I’m having, I always get super-stoked when I find this waiting in my mailbox. It is entertaining, informative, and very well written. It makes the perfect bubble bath buddy!

-Netflix. Like my Mac, I can’t stop bragging on Netflix. I started my subscription about two years ago and I have never once considered stopping in when I periodically trim my budget. We don’t have cable, and I don’t like movie theaters, so Netflix really picks up some slack in our culture regimen. I love that I can get new releases as well as old TV shows. I love that I can keep it for weeks or if it’s crap I can send it back the next day. I love that I can lend someone a movie, and as soon as they are done with it they just drop it in the mail for me. I love it!

-Sirius Radio. This was a Christmas present. Before this January I only listened to CDs and NPR. Now, I actually know music from bands that are still alive/together! And, when I add in…

-iTunes…I can instantly download pretty much any new song that catches my attention. Last night Mario said “Did you know the Deftones covered Sade’s ‘No Ordinary Love’?” Well, I did not know that, but less than minute later I had paid my $1.06 and we were listening to that very track. I can get episodes of LOST or El Tigre. (Seriously, check out El Tigre…it is the next best Nickelodeon Cartoon) My only complaint? It’s almost too easy…many mornings I wake up and ask “Why did I download this crap?”

-Caribou Coffee Granola Bars. C’mon….it’s a granola bar with pretty good chocolate and COFFEE! How could this be more perfect? (well, it could scrub my tub for me, but that’s just getting greedy)

-My stemware rack. It is plastic and inexpensive (at Bed Bath & Beyond), but it has made a world of a difference. We have very limited cabinet space here, so being able to hang our wine/martini/champagne glasses from the underside of our cabinets is a huge plus.

-My record player/records. I think part of why I like records is that you can’t just shove them your car/purse/computer bag and play them where ever. You have to commit to sitting down and really listen to the music, flip the record after four or five songs, and continue listening to the music. It may be Hollywood cliche, but I think people stopped really listening to music once it became so portable. The iPod may change that, but most people seem to be working/reading/studying when they use their iPod, so they’re not totally tapped in to the music. I love to put on a good record and turn off all of the lights, so it’s just me and music.

-My Crocs. They’re oh-so-comfortable and easy to slide on. Plus, they don’t feel as confining as most other shoes, but they give you more protection than say, flip-flops.

-You. Yes, I love you. Why? Because you’re TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year. I mean, who doesn’t love you?