Danny's Got a Gun!

My new obsession:  Airsoft guns.  I fucking love them!  Pistols, riffles, shotguns.....I just want to shoot them all.  All the time.  At all things.  Dan was so excited that I really like shooting and seemed to take to it naturally because he got to use one of his favorite movie quotes: "For a vegetarian, you're an evil shot!"  Here are some pics of Dan shooting his new rifle:

Don't worry about the brats...they weren't in harm's way.  They've actually begun to pick up the pellets from around the yard and leave them in piles on the back porch.  I told Dan that he should leave them quarters or something, like the tooth faerie.

I've been hanging around....

and I took some candid shots last night.  Now I shall post them, because I don't have much of a life and I need something to post:

Isn't Katie pretty?  Doesn't Tova look like Jesus? 

Sorry it's so fuzzy...I zoomed in on him in the background of another picture.  Notice the GIANT water bottle nozzle in the picture?  SAVE US TOVA!  SAVE US FROM THE WATER BOTTLE OF DEATH!!

Have a great weekend.  Peace.

Who Dat?

I'm thinking of getting season tickets.  It kills me to give money to Benson, that sniveling fucktard, but I want to support the Black & Gold.  Anyone else pondering what I'm pondering?  Let me know in the next few weeks so we can possibly get our seats together.  I'm looking in the $400 range.....no $1500 club seats here folks.  We gonna do it fo cheap.  Holla.

Moose killed Squirrel!

So, I hate fish.  You know, the kind people have as pets in aquariums.  They just.....give me the heebies.  Make my skin crawl.  Make me want to throw up a little.  Anyway, Mario had two Oscar fish, Moose and Squirrel.  He also has an algae eater, Rubber Biscuit, but he doesn't really do much, so we won't talk about him.  Well, Moose is a fucking psychopathic murderer!!!  He attacked Squirrel Tuesday night and yesterday we came home to find Squirrel dead in the tank.  So why do I care?  Well, I don't know.  I think maybe I'm just upset that a life was lost in my house, you know.....someone wasn't safe under my roof.....I couldn't Betty-Crocker it.  I don't know.  Anyway, we had a proper funeral for Squirrel.  We made a coffin for him and painted it with Elysian fields of seaweed, and then set that bitch on fire like the Viking warrior he was!

That's Mario painting the coffin....check out the hot bitch fish he painted for Squirrel.....with her tight red dress, all blinged out and shit.  Mario says there will be all sorts of fine-ass bitches waiting for Squirrel in fish heaven.  I painted the seaweed.  I didn't know Squirrel that well, so I just did what I could.

That's not an octopus, that is Mario's interpretation of God in fish heaven.  As you can see from the picture on the right, Squirrel was quite flammable.

We lit a incense and a candle, recited some Doors' lyrics, and I'm pretty sure our neighbors thought we were sacrificing a baby or something like that.  Squirrel did leave us with some parting wisdom:  Don't burn a dead fish in a plastic bucket.  The fumes were almost worth it, though

Here's to Squirrel!  I won't miss you, but Mario will.  Just know that he's getting a BIGGER fish to put in the tank with Moose, and he's naming it Boris, AKA Squirrel's Revenge, just for you, buddy.

 Looziana Saturday Night!

Lauren tries a Cosmic Clit....she loves it!  But then why the sad face?  Because it's almost a gone pecan!  Don't worry, cher, we're going out to the Stampede, THE most happenin' place East of the Mississippi.  Yee-Haw!

Caroline and Lauren, I mean Cali, lookin' hot at the bar.  Whoa!  Look at all those drinks!  Good thing we didn't have to pay for all of them.  I mean, being part of the Jack Daniel's clan has some perks, right? 

See, what happened was Lauren and I went to this country bar in what used to be a skating rink.  Why did we go, you may be asking yourself?  Well, Caroline's roommates work for an alcohol distributor doing promotions for various brands of alcohol.  Did you see "The Loop" this past weekend?  Kind of like that.  So we go out for a Jack Daniel's promo last Saturday.  Long story short: Crazy Drunk Guy (CDG) thinks we're part of the posse and gets us to sign autographs and we start bullshitting him about being stepsisters and shit.  He buys us a round and then comes back two minutes later with another round because he forgot he had bought us the first round.  He was that fucking drunk!  So, more drinks, more country guys, more fake names, Lauren, ahem, Cali almost rode the bull (it broke ) and we finally had enough and went home.  Good times for the most part.  Until mustache man showed up, but we won't talk about him.  So, if we go again, and it wasn't that bad of a place, and some people call me Kennedy, one of them is probably CDG and the rest are his friends.  It's nice to have a fake name your friends know and are familiar with using around you.  Everyone should have one. 

just another manic monday

Katie, Dan, Mario, and I went to the Cate St. Seafood Station Monday night.  Katie got herself some bearld shrimp, which she finished later that night, with Mario's help, of course.  How were they Katie?  I think she enjoyed them!

Later that night, I said "Bethany, why is your purse so goddamn heavy?"  You remember Bethany, right?  That little darling that puts up with all of Jacob's bullshit?  C'mon, I know you know who I'm talking about.  Look:

Well, her purse was SO fucking heavy.  She said it was so she could swing it at an attacker in self defense, but that's horseshit because she could barely get a swing going because it was SO FUCKING HEAVY.  And it's a TINY purse.  So, I dumped it out and what did I find?

Over $15.00 in change, most of it pennies!  That girl!!!!  So, I'm changing it into paper money and probably saving her posture.  *sigh* Another day, another not-so-random act of benevolence.  Hopefully that will make up for the pixie sticks I stole from a baby last Thursday.

Thanks to Kristin for sending me a link to some nifty gadgets!  Unfortunately, these are only prototypes, not yet available for sale  

I totally want the USB bracelet:

but I think the USB cuffs are a must for any geeky guy, and Katy lurves her geeky guys!! 

The Jackie Chan Memorial finally has a house drink!! 

Last night I created a fabulous drink which Mario and I named the Cosmic Clit.  It is sooooooo good!  You must try it!  Of course, it is only available at the Chan Memorial, so you'll just have to stop on by and sample one.  Here's a pic of Mario flicking the prototype Clit:

Yeah.....we're that immature.  Or are we that hip?  Either way, it's a damn good drink.  I think I'll have another.  How about you, Mario?

Hmmmm.....perhaps he's had enough.  Or maybe he's just upset with his new (read: bad) haircut.  Relax, Mario, it's just hair.  It will grow out.  Eventually.  Heh heh. 

I've got the Madness!!!!!

LSU issued a fatal cockblock to Duke and now I'm hooked.  I gotta have my fix, man.  Who'd a thunk it?

I'm not an addict it's cool, I feel alive/If you don't have it you're on the other side

Thanks to my super-cool friends Kristin and Lauren who recently gave me more snowglobes for my collection.  In case you are traveling for Spring Break/Summer, you should keep in mind that I not only collect sand from around the world, but cheap plastic snowglobes as well.  See:

The cheaper, the better.  Like, no more than $5.00.  And super-cheesy.  Hence the Liberty Bell on the Philadelphia globe, the Eiffel Tower on the Paris globe, etc.  I have them on a shelf at work and my coworkers are SO jealous.  At least, I pretend they are.  I mean, who wouldn't be?  All that water and glitter and fake snow?  C'mon.  You know you're gonna start a collection now.  Just try to keep up.  I WILL CRUSH YOU!

Edit:  Kristin suggested I raise my limit to $6.75 because she had trouble finding snowglobes <$5.00  I don't really have that as a limit, just a guide, so that people don't buy me really nice ones.  But, that does seem like a more appropriate ballpark figure, so $6.75 it is.

How was YOUR St. Patrick's Day?  We at the Jackie Chan Memorial delayed our celebration a day in order to accommodate work schedules, but that didn't put a damper on our party one bit.  Lauren and I decided to party like freshmen - for some really absurd reason I can't remember - and Mario and I missed each other at the store so we both bought the amount of alcohol we had discussed, so it was it was a pretty crazy night.  I remember now why I quit partying like that.  Having to stay outside on the porch so you can just turn and puke is not fun times!!!  Before all that mess, though, there were lots of good times:

Irish Trivia!  I found a bunch of St. Paddy's trivia online and made up a game.  There were two teams and players took turns trying to answer questions.  In order to answer a question you had to be the first to take your shot and put your shot glass back on the stack of poker chips without knocking over your stack.  If you got the answer correct, your team got a point; if not, the other team got a guess.  If it was a bonus question, the player answering the question got a SUPER COOL PRIZE!!  Every round I added ten poker chips to the stack, and it got to quite a challenge for some people, Matt Teadt, to get the shot glass, Matt Teadt, back on the stack, Matt Teadt, without knocking their shit all over the place.  Matt Teadt.  At the end of it all the team with the most points won the grand prize: A box of Lucky Charms!  Turns out the teams tied, so we all shared the Lucky Charms.

Katie had fun.  Really, she did.  She just had a lot of brandy, too.  On the right we have the Leprechauns, who tied the Gremlins, despite the fact that I told Lauren (center) the answers to almost all of the questions Friday night.

Caroline won Silly Putty!!!  Matt Teadt won 'Loons, the plastic balloons you blow up and can keep, but he was super nice and shared with everyone.  Dan, the brandy man, made this lovely specimen.

Now, it wasn't all drinking.  Caroline and I made some awesome potato and leek soup, except I couldn't find any leeks, so we used baby vidalias.  How's that soup, Caroline?  Mario fried some ham, and Matt Teadt, the bad Jew that he his, tucked right into that. 

Okay, so there was more drinking than eating of Irish foods.  I don't think Lauren liked the brandy too much.  Mario, it appears, liked everything except having his picture taken.  Don't be shy pretty boy, you're a star!

The morning after.  Jake's a little rough around the edges sometimes, but we just take him out back and hose him off and it's all good.  Bethany won a racetrack with a little red car in the Irish Trivia game, but it seems she would rather use the track as feet cuffs.  That kinky wench.  I like it

So here's to partying like a freshman.  I don't want to do it for a long, long, long, long fucking time.  But in all, it was good times. 

Erin Go Bragh!