March 2, 2007

• The Problem With Bullets

  by Eric Anderson

  It's hard to hit a man with something so small;
  it doesn't seem fair. I'm trying
  to make a better bullet. First of all,

  I've made them bigger, the size of fists,
  which is also the size of the human heart.
  The bullet should be as big as the target,

  which is why I'm making even bigger bullets,
  the size of coffins, and during their flight
  the bullets spring open, so they can

  swallow a man whole. Just in case I miss,
  I've put attractions in the bullets to lure
  the targets inside: widescreen televisions,

  free T-shirts, four star meals, football stadiums.
  Don't ask how, the process is complicated,
  and patented. I'm going to be rich.

  I've put windows in my bullets so I can
  make sure I don't hit the wrong people;
  I hate to miss. I'm working on bullets

  the size of neighborhoods
  and cities, continents; I'll have a bullet
  as big as the world by the end of the year.

  The gun, however, remains problematic.

  I'm going to need help with the carrying
  and the aiming, if you're interested. We can
  kill everybody, everywhere.

  • 1:08 pm
  • 1 Comment